Ground truthing myself

I've been writing about the equinoxes for a decade, now, and my focus is usually on the beautiful, planetary example of balance that they represent.

But this year, my thoughts are resting closer to home in this life I have and am continually creating.

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As I was musing about this new perspective, I pulled a card from a favorite tarot deck. I was curious to see what energies and rhythms were in play for me.

As so often happens when the Universe is trying to get my attention, the card literally fell into my hands. It was the 10 of Water (Cups) and couldn't have been more perfect because I'm in transition in my life in so many ways. The card's reminder to rest and "compost" on this day of all days is timely and needed.

It also snapped an unformed thought into clarity.

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Usually this time of year brings a sense of calm and relief because heat + humidity = lethargic Tracie. But this year I've been feeling unaccountably restless these past few weeks.

The card nudged me to recognize that this restlessness was me - my body, inner wisdom, intuition - asking for my full attention because SOMETHING IMPORTANT IS HAPPENING.

The combined wisdom of my senses knows, you see, that this coming autumn --> winter --> spring --> summer solar cycle is my own equinox. My own pause, balance, and turn toward the autumn of my life year.

The something important that is happening is that this is a year of preparing with reverence and intentionality to move fully into this Maga* phase of my life.

The something important that is happening is I am embarking on my own autumn equinox - a journey all humans who live long enough will take.

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As I align with the tides of this ecosystem to appreciate and celebrate today's sacred autumnal equinox moment, I'm also deepening into a celebration of this solar cycle I will be spending in balance and preparation.

I'm feeling a growing reverence for this time - this coming year - and myself, rooted in the knowledge that my life has largely passed unmarked by rites of passage. And in the growing awareness that I miss them with a surprising ache. I mourn the lack of them and the self-awareness they may have written into my days.

So, I remind myself that I am standing here, now, on the edge of this journey and I am celebrating. My body is singing with awareness. I am surrounded by wise and loving kin in the ecosystem where I live. I am surrounded by wise and loving womxn friends. The inherited wisdom of 13.8 billion years is coded into my bones and I am dancing this rite of passage clear-eyed and open-hearted and strong.

You see, I've been a little ahead of myself. Embracing the next phase of life without fully appreciating the one passing. So, while I have been biologically walking my Maga path for a year or two, now, I never released my Mother path.

I need to take a step back and do with intention what I endured with inattention.

Taking this year to appreciate and love and mourn the passing of my mother self and anticipate and appreciate and reverence my autumn-woman self -- this honors me. In fact, it honors all womxn, especially those who are my ancestors.

And so it is....

* "This is the life season that features the harvesting her life skills. Her focus shifts from her own family, as they grow up, to her community." Jane Hardwicke Collings