Elaine Aron

Understanding what I need to stay vibrant

Today, I find myself using my oh-so-vivid imagination, hovering high above the terrain of my life looking into and across the threads of events over the last six-ish months. The view is .... well ... very instructive.

It's an exercise inspired by a wise woman friend who invited me to do the same with the physical terrain of this ecosystem where I live, so I could better understand this land and her needs.  

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Understanding what I need - what this crone-woman body/soul needs to stay vibrant and vital - feels urgent.

As if the promise I made to Life to place thoughtful, heart-kernel, bone-truth words into the hands/hearts of the world will go unfulfilled if I don't get better at spotting patterns, nourishing myself, and defending my time, space and energy. 

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From this hawks-eye perspective it's so clear that the events/times/moments where I have been connected with truth, willing to see and listen deeply, are as solid as stepping stones.

When I lose track of the pattern-making threads - usually because I've let go of the willingness to see clearly and listen from my bones - that's what causes ruptures in my truth/clarity continuity.

That's when I see myself tumbling in murky water at the mercy of "should" and "must" and assorted other absurd external or internal expectation currents.

That's when nature-informed, flight-borne, rebel crone words come second or fifth or twenty-seventh to everything else.

That's when my joints hurt and I stop sleeping and I crave sugar and I stop moving from joy and start moving from restless emptiness and ache.  

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What I'm realizing from my cloud's-eye perspective -- discerning patterns is where our crone years truly shine as a gift. We've lived a lot of life. Had the chance to see those longest threads used by nature weaving. Watched as they appear again and again. Noticed patterns, even if we didn't know we were noticing.

As introverted women, we've likely spent time in solitude with what we've noticed, integrating it into our worldview. Making new, more thoughtful meaning with it. 

As highly sensitive women, we've not only been observing and integrating events, we've also been picking up subtle, non-verbal information and processing all of that deeply. As Elaine Aron says about how we make decisions, "HSPs simply process everything more, relating and comparing what they notice to their past experience with other similar things. When we decide without knowing how we came to that decision, we call this intuition, and HSPs have good (but not infallible!) intuition." 

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As sensitive, introverted, crone-women, we've essentially spent our lives honing our pattern recognition and intuition, whether or not we realize it. Using these skills, we're resourced to choose for ourselves and be decisive in implementing those choices. So, the best ways to nourish ourselves, creating boundaries, initiating creative habits....these move from "wouldn't it be nice" wishes to doable practices.

Being HSP

I recently sat in a room with 25 women who identified as HSP. It felt extraordinary. Literally, outside the ordinary. 

Only 20% of the population carries the trait of high sensitivity. I was sitting in a room full of women of difference. 

Each woman carried in her own experience of living with high sensitivity. Experiences covering territory from enjoyment and appreciation to extreme discomfort. 

As I listened to the stories of discomfort, I felt an echoing tremor in my bones.

Sensory Processing Sensitivity is a complex gift to live with. 

On one hand, we experience beauty intensely. In our marrow intensely. It can be breathtaking. We are also uniquely tuned to be exceptional leaders and changemakers. The world needs this aspect of our trait so much at this point in history.

On the other hand, in certain situations we can feel like our nerve endings are being sandpapered. Like there's nowhere we can find relief. Exhausted and utterly out of place. The discomfort is visceral. Sometimes relentless. 

Eighty percent of the world doesn't get the experiences we have. It's not malicious. They literally cannot understand what we are feeling, sensing, or experiencing. Frankly, we weird them out a bit.

So, to participate in our families, workplaces, and communities we're put in the position of choosing to do the emotional labor of educating skeptical people, or hiding our perceptions, squelching our insights, and trying to fit in. 

Community where we are seen - like the room full of 25 women - becomes essential. In community, with support, we can discover ways to resource ourselves and develop greater resilience. 

And, remember, community doesn't just mean human community. HSP's are especially responsive to time spent with more-than-human community. So, hug a tree. For real. And find some women of difference to spend time with.