driven by the ache

Life has turned me upside down these past months, keeping me up deep into the night. Pulling my focus in too many directions. Challenging the ways I’d envisioned my life being at this time.

It feels like I’m a woman out of time, out of synch, out of rhythm. It’s a strange and lonely feeling. So, of course, I wrote about it to try to make sense of it. Or, at least, to move it through my body and ease the restlessness…

restless mind

roams and prowls

like the restless

steps of the ginger

cat pawing at the 

faded ivory door

this night is 

scratchy with 

cricket song and 

katydid calls

rasping itself across

my awareness

prodding me toward….

something

its urgency is 

both endless 

and obscure

I wish I knew

what it wants

but I don’t speak

sodden night

or cricket

or katydid

anymore

maybe that’s 

the sand rubbing 

at my soul

maybe this language

I’ve lost - these night

songs whose meaning

I can feel at the 

edge of my 

understanding

but not translate

maybe that’s the

loneliness the 

bleeding loss

the ache of missing

that’s tangled in 

my stumbling fingers

pushing me to

keep trying to

keep typing to

keep flinging 

words onto 

this 

screen

maybe there’s 

no maybe 

but

maybe soon

I’ll remember

driven by the ache © 2019 Tracie Nichols | all rights reserved